Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
