Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
