the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
