Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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