He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
