Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
