i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
