he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
