I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
