you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
