The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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