My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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