haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
