you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Let's paint friendship bongs
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
