your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
