Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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