I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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