walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
