i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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