a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
