oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
