So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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