Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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