I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
