I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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