Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
