Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
