sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
