I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
