Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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