Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize