I love black thongs
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
