I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
