What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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