its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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