I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
