I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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