I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
