As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
