Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
