Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I currently don't understand fingers.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
