he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
