They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
