hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
