what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
