that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
