Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
