you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
