So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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