She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
