I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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