how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
