Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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