Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
