Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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