puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
