she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
