God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
