last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
