u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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