I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
