I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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