There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
