you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
