I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize