I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
