I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
