This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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