Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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