Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I want is dick and wine.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
