i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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