There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
