How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
