Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
